Everything Manly

Our First Letter!

By Doctor Manly • November 10, 2016 • Everything Manly, Manly Advice

Dear Doctor Manly,

My dad, who is very manly (he made me say that), said that you could help me. There is a boy in my class (I am in 5th grade) who is always complimenting my earrings. What’s up with THAT!?

M.R.

Well M.R….

If a boy compliments your earrings, it’s for one of two reasons; either, one, he likes you and that’s the only way he knows to tell the world, or, two, he wants to wear them and that’s the only way he knows to tell the world. Either way… sounds like you have the fine makings of a potential new friend.

Might I suggest a dose of kindness. It took the nerve of a gladiator to get up the courage to do what he did.

All my best,

Manly

Entitled Teen Asshat

By Doctor Manly • November 10, 2016 • Everything Manly, Manly Thoughts

Let me just start today’s rant by reminding all you crappy, life-sucking takers that you are NOT “entitled”…

…you must EARN!

Heard today spewing from a scarcely post-pubescent teen’s mouth:

“My job sucks because my crappy boss doesn’t pay me what I’m worth! I do as little as possible at work for such shitty pay!”

Guess what shithead? You’re fresh out of high school, still living with mommy and daddy and have zero skills. You’re not WORTH more than that yet!

So stop crying you big baby! Work your ass off and show that you’re worth giving a shit about! Be the best at your job, then go and negotiate a better wage!

You don’t care?

Guess what?

They won’t care about you either! Good luck trying to use your “suck-ass” job as a stepping stone to a better one! I’m sure they’ll be happy to give you a good recommendation based of your substandard performance!

I prescribe a strong, swift kick in the head for you, you lazy whiner! Move aside and let someone who gives a shit give your crappy job a go! And remember…it’s only crappy because YOU decided it is!

Introducing the great Doctor Manly!

By Doctor Manly • November 9, 2016 • Everything Manly, Manly Advice, Manly Thoughts

Hi…I’m Doctor Manly…life coach.

Let me start by saying that I am NOT a doctor. This should become more and more apparent to you the more you read this blog. If it doesn’t…you are probably someone who will benefit from reading what I have to say. My parents wanted me to be a doctor and felt that by naming me thusly, fate might step in and create their reality around it. Sorry Mom and Dad! So first name: Doctor. Last name: Manly.

That said…

I’m not a man of many words (real men aren’t), but I will be using this space to give advice to all the touchy-feely, new-age pussified men out there who I believe will benefit from a good dose of one of the following:

Shut up!

Stop crying (you big baby)!

Don’t be stupid!

Don’t make me come over there!

Get over it you pansy!

So…what makes ME, Doctor Manly, qualified to spread the seed of my Manly wisdom to the masses like a sailor on leave? Well…I believe my biggest qualification is the fact that when I look down, I see that I actually HAVE A PAIR! Couple that with my virile powers of observation and I become an absolute powerhouse of council!

Just know…

I tend to spout advice and wisdom like I like my sex; quick and straight to the point with no fancy trappings and NO CRYING afterwards! Take it like a MAN and stop your whining!

The advice, I mean…

not sex…

I’m no longer talking about sex!

So if you know somebody (or perhaps ARE somebody) who needs a macho slap in the nuts to remind them/you that they/you actually have a pair and need to start using them (metaphorically-speaking), write me your Manly letters then sit back, relax, have a beer, scratch what itches and enjoy…ME…Doctor Manly….LIFE COACH!!